Spirit is like water. Always moving. Sometimes clear. Sometimes murky. Necessary for life.
What on Earth is spiritual self-care? It might be the most important self-care of all…the one from which all others arise. It can be going to church. But it can also be not going to church. It can be weird. It can also be normal. You can call it “woo woo” and roll your eyes. But we are all energy in search of fulfillment, and that’s where spiritual self-care is essential.
But here’s the thing: There are no gurus to follow. Sure, Jesus had followers. But that was before social media. Beware of anyone or anything or any organization that tells you that you must follow them, you must do what they say and you must give them money. Beware of all sorts of “saviorism,” white or otherwise, that makes you think you have to save others and tell them what to do. You don’t. You, or we, can only lead by example. The true spiritual path is a solitary one, even though we can find joy and comfort in communities.
When I was younger, the phrase “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear,” was a beacon for me and I kept looking for my teachers. Now that I’m older, I realize that EVERYTHING is my teacher: the plants, the animals, the annoying person in the store, the inspiring person on TV, all the books and workshops, my kids and grandkids, annoying relatives, and my dead ancestors, random people on TikTok. Here are some of the things I learned from all those teachers:
Cleansing is important. I’m not talking about using soap (although please do). There is a reason ritual cleansing has been done in almost every culture and religion. It clears your energy. It makes space to discover new things. It’s symbolic of making a fresh start. You can do it with water, baths, or my favorite — a dip in the ocean. Or you can do it with smoke — which is where smudging comes in. Brushing the air around your body with a feather can also clear the dust from your energy field.
Protect yourself. Ask or pray for protection from whatever allies or deities you have a connection with. Or simply visualize your body being surrounded by a layer of protection. Why is this important? Because thoughts and energy travel. Both yours and others. You want to create a spiritual skin that keeps you safe from others’ unwanted energy.
Ground yourself. Put your bare feet on the earth. Sit your butt down on a rock. Feel yourself put down roots into the earth for stability, connection, and strength. You can also release your troubles into the earth and “mulch” them, which is what shamans call it. It works.
Pay attention and connect with nature. Believe it or not, nature is constantly trying to communicate with us. I find it rather funny that people who will watch all sorts of fantasy superhero movies, or play video games that are worlds unto themselves often scoff and ridicule the real magical world right outside their door (or even inside their door). Try it for a month or two and see what happens. Birds, bugs, chipmunks, and “weeds,” are often trying to talk with us and guide us on a better path. And the truth is, if we don’t pay attention to the signs and listen to what nature is trying to tell us, we usually get kicked in the ass as a warning. (I am not exaggerating. I have found sicknesses, failures, and other trials are ways to push us into new, better directions.)
Make space for reflection, solitude, and silence. You don’t have to climb a mountain and sit in a cave. Or spend 40 days and 40 nights in the desert. But you can if you want to. I think the point of those stories is that the path to finding your spirituality needs quiet to grow. It’s like a seed. You can’t force it to grow faster. You have to stick it in the dark, quiet soil and give it the time and space (and water) to sprout.
Practice reciprocity. This is where service and generosity come in. For everything you receive or take, give something back. It’s not a quid pro quo kind of thing, it’s more pay it forward. Karma. Selfishness is a true form of entropy, which is an energetic death. To truly feel alive and vibrant, be generous. Generosity is our superpower! Use it!
Notice that fear is often a sign that you are close to an important breakthrough. This still happens to me. Often when I am feeling the most anxiety and fear about something is when I am about to have a transformative experience and I don’t even know it. Whether it’s entering into a room or event where I am unsure what to expect, or my first time flying in a seaplane (in Australia! Holy cow!). Don’t let fear stop you. But also, don’t do anything stupid.
Experiment. Be creative. What works for you may not work for others. Find your own unique gifts. I like to grow and talk with plants. Other people like to harvest and make medicines with plants. Some people like to sit and meditate a lot, others like to walk or run to find inner peace. Some people build altars, others give everything away. There is no singular right way or wrong way to find your spirit and take care of it. There is only “the one” way that is right for you. That takes experimentation.
Find your ecstasy. I was watching a video of a conservative religious church service where people were speaking in tongues and crying and saying hallelujah and I recognized it immediately. “Ah, that’s why they do it, they are finding ecstasy!” There are all sorts of ways to find it. Some people use psychedelics. Some people go to Burning Man. Some people do both. Some people just go to church and sing with a loud organ playing along. One conservative religious man told me he finds his ecstasy on roller coasters (where he can “scream like a girl” he whispered). I often find it at loud rock concerts. Great loving sex is also ecstatic. Ecstasy is not “enlightenment,” but it sure feels good and makes your heart soar. And who the hell knows what enlightenment really is anyway. Don’t worry about that, if you ask me. Just keep walking on your path and the light will guide you to where you need to go.
Show your gratitude and respect. Last but certainly not least, gratitude and respect are essential. Respect means being kind to others — especially those who are different or challenged. But it also means being kind to the earth. And being thoughtful about other people’s paths and other cultures’ traditions. If someone claims to have a connection to spirit but they are cruel, demanding, or demeaning that is a RED FLAG. Don’t give those people your money, EVER! And gratitude? It’s everything that matters. Be thankful for all of it — the good, the bad, and the in-between. Because you are here. You are here right now. And that’s amazing! Thank you!
This is my final post on self-care for now. I started with why it’s so hard for me. Then wrote about physical self-care and mental self-care. I’m sure I forgot things. I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions. I also realize that I am incredibly privileged. I’m white. I am well-off. I am semi-retired. I’ve traveled extensively. But this, I believe, makes me responsible to give back, to be a helper where I can, to share what I have learned, and hope that it helps someone, somewhere. Who knows why we are born into the families and situations we are born into? That’s the great mystery of life. But wherever we are born, it’s up to each of us to find our way. I found mine on the path of love and I’m very grateful.
Love your voice. While living in Arizona I loved to mountain bike in the desert. I found it a very magical environment, especially in the early morning hours. All the plants had very subtle auras and it felt a bit like a psychedelic experience. When I rode along the bushes and branches ( and, yes the occasional cactus) would brush my
Find a teacher. Instead of trying to be one.
The spiritual "tips" offered here are so typical of the rugged individualism and "do-your-own-thing"-ism" of American culture (which is the antithesis of true spirituality).
And yes, there is such state as "enlightenment." But it must be earned by the wearing away of the ego self espoused here.