Sadly, I’ve known a lot of liars in my life. They have mostly been men. Men who lie because they don’t want to “hurt” you. Men who lie because they are ashamed of their behavior (thanks, Catholicism). Men who lie because they want to siphon off your money and know you won’t just give it to them outright. And men who lie because they are completely unscrupulous and know they will get away with it.
Women lie too. We lie when men ask us if we are mad, and we say no. We lie when we say we don’t mind that men are doing something we don’t like. My own biggest lie still haunts me, so I’m going to confess it here:
I was 16 and driving my mother’s new car that she adored. It was a powder blue Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme with shiny spoked hubcaps and a white leather interior. I hated that car, but I had to drive it somewhere. I was smoking while driving and went to throw my cigarette butt out the window, and it flew back inside the car, and I veered and scraped the side of the car on the guard rail. I pulled over and removed the burning butt. When I got home, I pretended nothing had happened, and no matter how many times my parents asked me if I knew what had happened, I said no. No, I did not. But the fact that lie still haunts me is why I have tried never to lie again. I’ve been mostly successful in telling the truth. Even when it hurts.
I thought about all the lying happening in the world when I read about the woman (DEI) in charge of releasing job numbers, who just got fired by Trump because he didn’t like the numbers. According to the BBC, “On social media, Trump claimed - without any evidence - that Erika McEntarfer, commissioner of the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), had "RIGGED" jobs figures "to make the Republicans, and ME, look bad". Pathetic.
The jobs report came in below expectations at 171,000. But more importantly, the previous few months’ job numbers got downgraded significantly (this is a normal process, but the numbers are shocking).
I copied this paragraph from Axios, a reputable news site:
“Threat level: The Labor Department announced massive downward revisions for job growth in May and June, changes they characterized as "larger than normal."
The economy added just 19,000 in May, not the 144,000 the government initially reported.
June job gains were revised down to 14,000, from the 147,000 first estimated.
Taken together, employment over the prior two months is 258,000 lower than previously reported.
In other words, job creation over the last three months was just 106,000 — the lowest rolling three-month total since the pandemic. Excluding 2020, it was the softest three months of job creation since late 2010.”
Talk about looking bad…it’s no lie. It looks bad!
Lying has become so normalized in our government, society, and culture that it is getting harder and harder to know what is true, which is the exact aim of many liars. They want you to feel a bit unhinged, so you disconnect and just surrender to the craziness. I’m here to tell you the truth: Do Not Disconnect.
Looking back on my life experience with liars, there is one thing that has always guided me towards truth: My gut. My gut always knew before my brain did. My gut would tell me something was seriously off, but I didn’t trust it. Until finally, either I found out the truth by accident or went with my gut and found out later.
Looking at the enormous amount of information coming out about everything from Trump and Epstein to sexual predators getting freed and even put into powerful positions, to all the republicans and “christian” nationalists who are secretly closeted gay people and pedophiles, it occurs to me that the government right now is one big giant cover-up for a global sex trafficking ring which is why they are trying to distract us, shut down any dissent, and erase any history that might tell the truth.
On Facebook, a friend of mine posted this allegorical story:
"The Lie said to the Truth, ‘Let's take a bath together, the well water is very nice.’ The Truth, still suspicious, tested the water and found out it really was nice. So they got naked and bathed. But suddenly, the Lie leapt out of the water and fled, wearing the clothes of the Truth.
The Truth, furious, climbed out of the well to get her clothes back. But the World, upon seeing the naked Truth, looked away with anger and contempt. Poor Truth returned to the well and disappeared forever, hiding her shame. Since then, the Lie runs around the world, dressed as the Truth, and society is very happy...Because the world has no desire to know the naked Truth."
What struck me about this story is that for centuries, shame has been hidden — sent back to the well to hide “her” nakedness. I say: FUCK THAT! Tell the fucking truth whenever and wherever you see it.
DO NOT LIE. DO NOT DISCONNECT! TRUST YOUR GUT!
I’m sure my parents knew I was lying. I’m thankful to them that they let me believe I got away with it, because it made me feel bad for the rest of my life. And as a result of all the lying I’ve experienced in my life, I’m not going to lie, I have major trust issues. But that’s a story for another day. In the meantime, my big old gut is my best friend and closest companion.
Don’t lie. Trust your gut.
What a great essay, Maria! Bone-honest, gut-wisdom.
I practiced lying, frequently, almost addictively, when I was a child. A casual lie, caught out, would mushroom into denial, which required layer after layer of obfuscation, to the point I ended up being thoroughly confused about why I'd lied in the first place. Take about ignoring one's gut! It took decades for my gut to conspire with me, to offer wisdom instead of rationalizations or half-truths, to speak clearly, even emphatically when necessary.
Looking back, the worst lies are the quiet ones I said to myself (you've outlined these well) because they cost me soul-deepening time, a sense of my own inner gold, and the energetic momentum to effect truly creative change, in and around me.
You are calling out the pattern of lying, rather than just the liars, and I appreciate that as generative integrity. Sometimes deep truth stings sharper than a lie, but that's only because it cuts through the cancering rot! Thanks again for your wise words...
I agree Maria. Lies almost always become tangled, carrying harm on extended threads. Your car story reminds me of a similar story at about the same age. I lost a car on new year's eve in a Buffalo snowdrift and walked home about 3 a.m.. It was a silent lie, I didn't tell my parents. It was a friend's family car, and it was before I had a driver's license. The call came in on new year's afternoon. Naturally the other family was upset. No way around it, I had to tell the truth. I give my Dad credit, he stopped me from the details. Essentially, he said, "go find the damn car, and get it back...right now!." I did, deeply embarrassed by the whole thing. I did learn that lesson. Uncomfortable as it is, there is the truth.